X-men

It's August, and for unfortunate students this means resit examination time - not exactly the highlight of a young adult's summer (even though, technically speaking, there was no summer). Neither is it for the assistants: I am pretty sure that 'surveilling students for a whole afternoon' beats 'watching paint dry' on the Universal Scale of Boredom. Just imagine you're an assistant at the College of Arts and your supervisor teaches 'Advanced Portraying Techniques III: Using Slow Drying Paint in Extremely Cold Conditions'...

For the grading teachers however, resit exams are not that bad, as it gives them yet another opportunity to observe students and to realize that some of them have rather special abilities and habits. Here's an overview of the most fascinating species:

Time-warp (wo)man:

These students are known for bending time, although rarely to their advantage. When you look at them during the exam, you will never see them loitering. They always seem to be completely immersed into their tasks, frenetically scribbling on their exam copies as if they're afraid that their knowledge may evaporate into thin air. More than often in a handwriting which leaves so much space for interpretation that you could easily loose an elephant in it. Strangely enough, their exam papers never contain more than half an answer to one (of many) question(s). This often leaves teachers behind with the feeling that they lost the rest of the exam somewhere on the way from the auditorium to their office, but the truth is of course that these students only had time for half a question, as they bend time.

Rubberface (wo)man:

This is the type of students you would love to see in a black suit and matching hat, with a white painted face, carrying a basket and picking imaginary plums. They are true mime artists, wrapped around a mind that had different plans for the future. Observing these students is particularly funny and entertaining, as you can deduce their thought process and progress - or, as is often the case, lack thereof - on the exam from their facial behaviour. And they know how to handle the complete spectrum: from anguished expressions over Archimedesque moments of insight to the look on their face when they raise their finger and ask you wether they can go to the toilet (I once had the impression the plums were not that imaginary), it all comes with a powerful visualization.

The Non-Sensei:

Also these students are true artists, in a sense which transcends reality. Unlike the time-warp people, they always hand in an exam which contains more pages than reasonably expected. The surprising thing however, is that their exam is a bizarre mixture of facts, ideas and shreds of course material which makes no sense at all. To outsiders, their exams must look like exemplary answer sheets, but these students have the unique (and, let's be realistic, pretty useless) ability to blend a whole lot of true facts and correct pieces of information into an answer which lies so far from the truth that it makes teachers question the very concept of grading. They never reach the absolute minimum score however, as even the most down-to-earth teacher takes into account the possibility that their exam copy is a message from outer space. And you don't want to be the dork who pissed off the aliens, do you?

Disclaimer: this survey is by no means complete. If you feel that your abilities have been gravely overlooked, please accept my apologies. You can always use the comment box to update this limited account.