Bananas?

A few weeks ago, one of the Muslim clerics in Europe warned Muslim women not to get too close to bananas, cucumbers or other phallus-shaped vegetables, in order to avoid sexual thoughts. The unnamed cleric, whose directive was featured in an article in a religious publication, added that if women wanted to eat these food items, they should address a third party - preferably a male related to them, such as their husband or father - to cut the vegetables into pieces before serving. 

(a) This could be me being a bit weird, but have you ever walked through the fruit and vegetable aisle at the supermarket, trying not to give in to sexual thoughts? It must be easy though, if fruits and vegetables make you feel horny. Think about all these supermarkets advertising their weekly deals in a glossy, colourful magazines. My life as a 16-year-old could have been a lot easier, with an abundance of free porn magazines getting shoved into the mailbox. 

(b) Why is it that only Muslim women were addressed. Straight Muslim women, to be more precise. To me, it seems pretty obvious that men should no longer be allowed to get too close to melons, grapefruits, tomatoes, oranges and apples. Unless they're gay, I guess. But if you think about it, virtually any piece of fruit or vegetable is either phallic (carrots, corncobs, zucchini, eggplants and French beans, just to name a few) or erhm... yonic. Which makes perfect sense of course, as fruits are essentially the structures of a plant containing its seeds. You'd better not be a bisexual Muslim, if you'd ask me...

(c) Why consider fruits and vegetables only? How about toothbrushes and vacuum cleaners, pens and pencils or brooms and soup mixers? I could be on a roll now, but to me these objects look pretty phallic as well. And I'm not sure there's much room for innovation, as I would not like to brush my teeth with a device that is not shaped like a stick...

Sounds like someone deserves being hit by a baseball bat. Or a medicine ball, depending on his sexual orientation of course...