Jennie from the block

A recent online news article reported the story of Jessie, an Australian cat who disappeared from Berry Springs (just outside the far northern end of Darwin), shortly after her owners moved in from their old house somewhere in South Australia's Eyre Peninsula. Both places are separated by nearly 2000 miles and a vast, inhospitable desert, but one year after her disappearance the new residents of Mrs. Gale's old house found a strange cat hanging around. They took a picture and sent it to Berry Springs. It turned out to be Gale's cat... Despite the odds, Mrs. Gale believes that her cat walked all the way back, "because she hates getting into cars". This is definitely an amazing story, but what bothers me about it is that nobody ever considered interviewing Jennie.

Which is exactly why I rang her up last night.

(F) Hi Jennie, how are you doing?

(J) Hi Fred, long time no speak! Thanks for asking. I do feel better now, back home, although I wish the new tenants would stop staring at me like I come from another planet.

(snorts)

Well, I do, but let's all just stick to our jobs, okay? Dogs do the leg-humping, you get uncomfortable when we follow you into the bathroom and we do the staring. Right?

(F) Jennie, rumour has it that you walked all the way back from Darwin. Is that true?

(J) Are they all out of their fucking minds? Of course not! Seriously, whoever said that needs to have a look at a real cat. There's a reason why we basically live on people's couches, you see? That's because we prefer to sleep, stare and snack. Repeatedly. That, and follow you to the bathroom. The most active thing I ever did was to chase my own tail, you know?

(F) But how did you get back South then?

(J) I just hid myself in a truck, moving couches from a factory in Darwin to retail sellers in the South.

(F) Isn't that dangerous? I mean, how did you prepare yourself for that?

(J) Of course it's dangerous Fred! As long as nobody opened the truck I was both dead and alive. And believe me, that's not a very nice feeling. But I have years of experience: ever since I was a little kitten, I made a habit of crawling into unattended boxes. So I knew how to survive a collapse of the wave-function.

(F) Just one more question Jennie. Why did you decide to go back?

(J) The curtains, Fred, the curtains. Nothings beats dangling from the vintage draperies at home.